Be Here Now

Some days are almost perfect. 

Yesterday though, had me on the kitchen floor, crying while trying to make dinner.  Children have a way of pushing you to your breaking point, questioning your sanity and wondering if you're even equipped to be a parent in the first place.  Or is it just me and mine?

I read a lot of parenting books.  Or, maybe I just own a lot of parenting books and should read them more thoroughly, but in any case, I'm pretty sure my main problem is fear.  I love these kids so much, but I'm afraid I'm going screw them up.  That they won't be healthy or happy.  Maybe that I'll scar them emotionally and they won't want me in their lives when they are older.  I also read something about feeling powerless in some moments and I do believe that goes back to my fears.  So what am I doing?  What am I even saying?  I don't know.  Why are some days so pleasant and some days so hard?   

I'm working on being present.  You know the book Be Here Now?  I think of that book all the time.  I say that phrase all the time.  Be here now.  Be here now.  Where is my mind?  It's on the dishes, the messes, lunch, what we need to do before we do the thing we need to do next and the thing after that and on and on.  Someone posted in my Instagram feed about being present today and it is something I am going to be working on.

This morning while Dahlia took her nap I bought my boys to the basement to play hide and seek.  If there is a more hilarious game to play with a 4 year old and a 2.5 year old, I would like to know it.  I love it.  I love the hiding, helping them find spots, seeking, laughing at the way they like to hide in the same spots over and over.  They like to play in semi-darkness with flashlights and it gets a little spooky, so they don't always like to hide by themselves and if they are looking for me, they like it when I call out in a crazy voice.  We played for over an hour before we needed a snack.  You know, this is one of our worst times of day usually.  I'm cleaning up breakfast and prepping for whatever is "next" and they get bored and will seek out attention.  ANY attention.  My oldest in particular has a hard time with this.  So for now, I'm going to try to really engage with them during this time.  Things can be sticky.  Stuff can stay messy.  I want to play with them, and they want and deserve my attention.

I think there are a few things that will help me achieve this goal.

1. Have breakfast ready.  This will take me almost no time, these people practically live on peanut butter and jelly or oatmeal.

2. Put the damn phone away.  Enough said.

Do you have trouble living in the moment?  Have you read Be Here Now?  Do you like to cry while you make peanut butter and jelly?  Any tips you think I could use?

Also, shout out to my neighbor, Mrs. Kathy, for making us tacos for dinner.  

           

Some Things About the Weekend

I remember another mom saying or maybe I read it, who knows, that she likes to get all her chores done during the week so she can relax with her family on the weekends.  I think that is a great idea too and I want to do that, yet every Saturday I'm cleaning, folding laundry and saying things like "Let's mop the floor as a family!" 

 So my floors are clean.

Today we had a get together for my very dear friend who is expecting a little girl in a few short weeks.  It's nice to get together and watch the kids play, even if they get super dirty and crazy.  I indulged in some salted caramel brownies and I'm looking forward to getting back on track tomorrow.  I have been sore all weekend from my lifting session Friday but have managed to keep up with all my Insanity workouts.  Is that balance? 

So about these borax crystal sea shells.  I wouldn't call them a fail exactly, they just didn't turn out the way I was expecting based on what I saw on Pinterest.  (Does it ever turn out the way it did on Pinterest?)  I read the instructions and followed them, but I didn't read the whole blog post, sometimes I don't want to read all of someone's jibber jabber just to finally get to the instructions or the recipe. 

 

So here's the plate of them.  

This is a seashell that turned out OK. 

I can't remember what this rock was, but it did better that most. 

Pumice with a few little crystals, I think this one is cool.  

And lastly.  

The nice thing about this project was it came together quickly.  My 4 year old and I did this together and it only took a couple minutes, which is great for a busy preschooler.  He was able to stir the solution and gently place the rocks and shells in.  He enjoyed examining them thru the glass with a flashlight every couple days as the crystals grew.  I want to try this experiment again, maybe with a deeper dish, see if we can get some better crystal saturation.  

If you've got any cool experiments to try with the kids, I would love to know about them! 

Lord Have Mercy

I was not prepared at all for today's work out.  Not mentally, not physically.  I didn't look at my program beforehand and when I opened my book and saw it was the same work out as the last one, only 4 sets of 4 reps, my first thought was: "I should have eaten my sweet potato."  For the record, I put some butter on my sweet potato and the butter had come out of the freezer and tasted like, well, freezer.  Old freezer.  Gross.  So I was wishing for more carbs.  Look at my book.  I am destroying this poor thing. 

Writing all over the place, writing in the wrong places, scratching stuff out.  Man.  I think I pulled my left butt cheek bone while dead lifting, however I think we can expect some gains.  I do really enjoy this kind of work out, heavy weights and low reps and I don't think I've done anything like it since getting back into the gym after baby.  I also had my Insanity workout scheduled for this evening so I was VERY HAPPY to learn that tonight's Insanity was "Cardio Recovery."  Thank goodness. 

In other news, my oldest son Silas and my baby Dahlia had check ups at the doctor this week.  They both needed shots and my poor boy was so scared.  He got his first and I held him and he cried and cried.  Then the nurse held Dahlia while I tried to comfort Silas but he cried even harder watching his baby sister get her shots.  I did that laugh/cry thing that moms do.  It was nice to see Silas show his empathetic side for a change.  

We've got 3 days left of July and I haven't made our July bucket list yet.  I'll throw these out here now then: 

1. Eat corn on the cob
2. Eat watermelon

Any surprise it's all about food? 

My Happy Place

I'm betting I've blogged about this forest preserve before.  It's my happy place and I've been bringing my kids here since there was only the one.  I love it because it's open prairie and wetland with lots of beautiful flowers and well maintained trails.  They have a really nice visitors center too.  I took the kids today and they love walking on the trails, throwing sticks into the creek and climbing on all the rocks and landscaping.  I love that we're not confined by the rules of home. 

 Throwing sticks in the water. I call it "Pooh Sticks" like from Winnie the Pooh, I don't think the boys get it yet.  

 

 Go right ahead and take all the sticks, Silas.  

 

 It really is the simple things that bring the most joy.  

So, update!  Nothing is new here.  Hahaha.  I don't even know what to blog about sometimes so I haven't been, despite the best intentions to get back into it.  July was a bit of a doozy for us, between the holiday and trying to potty train the two year old and everyone got chest colds mid-month?  As far as fitness, the beginning of the month knocked us out for a bit but I'm bouncing back now.  I bought a set of Insanity DVDs at a garage sale for $10 and I've been doing that now for a week.  I LOVE IT.  It is as fun as cardio can get.  I'll keep posting about that as I get further into it but so far it's crazy fun.  I don't keep up 100% but I know I'll get better.  I'm still lifting at the gym 3 times a week too, of course.  We've hit a good stride at the moment (knock on wood) and I'm wanting to make a July Bucket List to close out the month.  Said list will probably consist of "eat watermelon" and "run thru a sprinkler."  

How about you all?  Anything exciting happening?  Anything you think I should add to my bucket list?  Do you have a bucket list? 

It's Almost Summer!!

However, the past few days have been rainy and cold.  It's on its way though, I can feel it.

Things are going well here.  I feel like it usually takes me about 8 months or more to get into the swing of things after a new baby is born.  This time though, with Silas in preschool and having other commitments I wasn't able to spend my days wallowing in my fear and indecision.  We hopped right back on schedule, for the most part.  When Dahlia turned 6 months old, that's when I really started to feel better and more confident.  We started going back to the gym consistently when she was about 4 months old.  I know exercise helps me immensely.

So we're going to the gym at least 3 days a week.  I started a new program.  It's from the series The New Rules of Lifting for Women and it is titled Strong.  I really like it.  Nice, concise workouts.  I split my cardio to 3 separate days a week because I don't have that kind of time all at once right now.  I've been trying to get up early and do fasted cardio, and it's really great when that happens, but it's hard.  I've still got 15-20 pounds I would like to lose (yeah, yeah, I know EFF the scale and all that jazz but the truth is the truth).  I've just started tracking macros/calories after completing a "Whole120."  I'm glad to have whey based protein shakes back in my life.

You know, I feel like I haven't got much to say.  The most exciting thing we do is go to the gym.  I've been getting our groceries delivered so I don't have to schlep 3 kids to the store.  Peapod is a godsend.  When my husband gets home from work I recount every conversation I had with another adult to him.  He loves this.  We've been spending as much time as possible outside, riding bikes, playing in the sandbox and blowing dandelions.  Tonight we took a last minute trip to the park where we played Hide and Seek.  I forgot how much fun that game is.  My boys are hilarious, they don't wait for you to find them and they hide in the same place over and over.

I want to start a series of posts about "how I found out I was pregnant."  I think my stories are hilarious (of course I do) and I know other moms have got to have funny stories.  So I'm going to start Silas' story and if anyone wants to send me their story I will post it.       

Alright!  I'm tired, I can't think of anything more to write, I'm going to go to bed.         

   

It's been a really long time.

Well hello old blog!  It's been over 2 years since I last wrote here.  I've missed it!  Let's see, my last post I was expecting our second child who was born December 11th, 2014.  We named him Amos Phillip.  He's two now.  Aaaaaaand we welcomed a sweet, sweet baby girl in October.  Her name is Dahlia Brynn.  She will be 5 months old this month!  You could say we've been busy.

I've been thinking about blogging again and was encouraged by a couple of friends.  I've also got my evenings back to myself as all the babies are in bed early.  I'll be sharing some recipes, fitness stuff, random thoughts, encouragement, and self-depreciating humor.  You know, the usual.

I've also been thinking about sharing my birth stories?  I love reading birth stories, and I have written out Silas' story.  I have been wanting to type out the others before I forget (how can you forget?).  I was also thinking if anyone wants to submit their birth story, I would post it here too.  I remember pouring over so many stories before Silas was born and even now if I see one I can't resist.  That stuff is so fascinating!

OK!  If you've read this, have any ideas or anything to say, I want to hear it!         

Random Robin Williams because I can't figure out how to do my own pictures yet! 

39 Weeks plus a few days.

I hit 39 weeks on Saturday.  I don't think he's coming soon.  Last night I got my hopes up and I almost started making my phone calls, because I was feeling a little crampy, but I decided to wait and see.  Naturally, nothing more happened and I fell asleep.  I feel a little better though, I've decided not to get excited until the 20th.  That way I won't drive myself crazy.  Crazier.

I went to Target last night to get Silas his "big brother gift."  I had a little bit of trouble with this, because I want something he'll like but nothing elaborate or expensive.  I almost got sucked into a big drum filled with musical instruments.  Yes, exactly what I need is a tambourine he can play for his newborn brother.  He's been throwing things too so I don't want to give him any more wooden blocks.  So he got a small teddy bear, which I will give him in the hospital.  My friend who is also having a baby talked about getting her son a doll, kinda like a practice baby, and that sounded like a good idea to me so I bought Silas a small doll too.

At this point of the shopping trip I didn't know if I was going to break down and cry or throw up.  So I bought a pint of Ben & Jerry's Half Baked Frozen Yogurt (I'm cleaning up my diet) and went home.  It's all starting to feel so real and I got a little overwhelmed.  I'm having all those feelings I'm sure lots of moms do, how will I ever love another person as much as I love my son, how will having a sibling affect him, etc? 

Anyway, Saturday my friend took some pregnancy pictures of me and she printed a couple off for me to see today and I'm really excited to see the rest of them!  I'll post those when I get them.  It was really fun and I'm so glad I got to do them.  I didn't do them with Silas.  This one is an awkward one from today.  I can't selfie properly.

Another friend had a Christmas party today and it was so much fun.  It was one of the first times I've seen Silas "play" with another child, not just try and take toys away from his friends or play next to them.  He and another boy were chasing each other and laughing and pushing cars all over the place.  It was hilarious.  He fell asleep almost instantly on the car ride home. 

OK, let's do the update and get on with our lives. 

 How far along?  39 weeks and 3 days.

Size of Baby:  The baby is the size of a baby.  (Thank you Pregnant Chicken, no more stupid vegetables.)  About 20 inches and 7 pounds. 

Weight Gain:  Who's counting anymore?  I don't want to know.  See also: Ben & Jerry's.

Nursery:  Still not done.  I went up there and moved some things around.  I did unpack and sort through the baby clothes.  That was fun.  We have some new things, some new hand me downs, and some things that Silas wore.  It was a trip down memory lane and it made me really happy. 

Movement:  Yes, of course.

Symptoms:  Nothing new.  Heart burn and back pain.  Crabby as hell. 

Cravings:  Nothing really?  Cheeseburgers?  Is this part of the pregnancy getting boring?  Hahaha.  

Looking forward to:  Giving birth.  Of course.  If I make it this far, I'm going to continue my "tradition" of buying a little crystal on my due date.  With Silas I had wandered into a crystal shop and was chatting with the ladies and when they found out it was my due date they said I should hold onto rock crystal quartz for "energy."  So I did.  I'll try anything.  I ended up buying a pointy one and I took it into the delivery room with me.  It was sharp and I mostly poked myself in my numb fingers with it, but it's kinda nice to have something else to focus on while laboring.  I abandoned it after a short while though.  I had crying and whining to do. 

I'm sure I'll be back with a 40 week update.  God help me.